"I know" vs. "I feel"

I know that I have many things to say but, at the moment, I do not have the words to say them. I am struggling with having a genuine faith. My emotions are not receiving the results that they desire but my logic knows that getting those results would not be the best for me. They are selfish things that would not help me grow to be in relationship with God but would just be a way to pacify myself. The problem is, since I am not being emotionally fulfilled I have no real desire to be in commune with God. I continually have to pray that God would change my heart so that it would genuinely love Him. This, all of this, makes me feel like I am failing with God. I know that is far from the truth but knowledge does not always help me. I live life by how I feel and what is scary is that my emotions can be more real to me than fact. I fall into my emotions. It is difficult not to because that is how I am wired. Unfortunately, at times you have to step outside of who you are to understand God and others. I am not willing to do this and so I pray continually that I would grow to be. I know that if God doesn't show up in all of this and if he doesn't answer my prayers than I don't have a chance. I need God more than ever to change my heart because I understand that without Him, I truly have nothing. My emotions would rip me to shreds and I would destroy all of the relationships that I have out of my own pain. I would like to think if I hoped enough or did enough that things would change but it is up to God to change me. I have realized this. All I can do is pray and wait for God to do His good work. I know He will but I do not feel like He will.